Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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