i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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