sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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