Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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