I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
