did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
