While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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