come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
