Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
