Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
