**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
