i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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