just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
