last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
