You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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