Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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