Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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