i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My penis needs a shock collar
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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