Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
