can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
