you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
