No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
