Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
