bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
