Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Even my vagina gasped.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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