somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
