Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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