We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
