I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
