They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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