I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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