You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
