We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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