just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
