This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
