i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
