Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
