I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I checked into jail on foursquare
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
