drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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