Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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