i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
