And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
