So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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