I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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