Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
