Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
