I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Boobs speak an international language.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
