I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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