i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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