best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
