Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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