I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
